The Intimacy of Unbreakable Togetherness

I thought I believed desperate prayer increased my intimacy with God. I had even reflected on that truth recently. Yet here I was, in a moment of panic, wondering how to feel God’s presence. It seemed my belief and my reality were going in opposite directions. So I began to pray about that very issue. “God,” I prayed, “show me how this moment can increase my intimacy with you.” Or something like that. And for a few minutes, nothing changed. In fact, a few more minutes passed, and I forgot what I had just prayed.

I continued feeling anxious, wondering what to pray. I asked that my heart would not feel so troubled. And then, I realized something else I could say to God—something I didn’t want to say, something hard to say, but something bittersweet. I knew the sweet would outweigh the bitter, so I prayed it. “God, even if you don’t give me relief, I will still love you.” Something like that.

Then, something shifted in my soul. My heart was still troubled, but I felt a sense of closeness with God. The intimacy of unbreakable togetherness. A father-son bond, not a transaction. The light of comfort was cast into the darkness of my troubled heart. And I realized my prayer had been answered.